So, I found some software to convert SWF files to video format.

You’ll probably wish I hadn’t:

Sorry :)

Pat

Well, following my “I need some more bandwidth while I wait for Broadband” fiasco with Orange earlier, I was “invited to provide feedback”.

I did, and their thank you rather amused me:

In related and awful news, I spotted 3 pubs on the way back from town that had free Wi-fi, which means I’m going to be spending much of the next month in pubs.

What a nightmare!

Pat

P.S. I enrolled today. I’m now an official student. Boom!

Every time I go to update a blog post (that’s right, Facebook crew, I write these posts here and Facebook just imports them), I like to see what shit is in my “for approval” comments list.

Here are some from today, with my thoughts attached:

Post:
An Ode To Euromillions (basically, a lame poem :) )
Comment:
I’m out of lgueae here. Too much brain power on display!
Thoughts:
Thanks, but what the hell is a lgueae?

Post:
Moving Sh*t (a ramble about moving stuff down here)
Comment:
I am forever idnetbed to you for this information.
Thoughts:
So, you’re… you’re some kind of ID Software Network DLL file to me? Actually, you probably are…

Post:
All Employee Meetings (basically, some doodles)
Comment:
You have the monopoly on useful information?aren’t monopolies illeagl? ;)
Thoughts:
You ask me stupid questions? Nothing is illeagl to my knowledge? [emoticon for punching a computer in the iFace?]

Post:
Final Department Meeting (some more doodles)
Comment:
Cool! That’s a clveer way of looking at it!
Thoughts:
Thanks! Oh, also, looking at what?

Post:
Milestones and Moaning (basically, “Oh look, there’re this many days to go, oh and broadband is annoying”)
Comment:
Short, sweet, to the point, FREE-exactly as inrfomation should be!
Thoughts:
Actually, I’d love to be able to charge people for reading information-free rants like I occasionally do. Thanks for the idea, “Denisha”!

Post:
Why I’m Quitting Work… (A long, rambling blog post)
Comment:
Short, sweet, to the point, FREE-exactly as information shluod be!
Thoughts:
You know, if it weren’t for the mis-spelling in a different word, and the fact that you’re called “Doughboy” this time, I’d think you were the same bot as a moment ago.

And this is my favourite:

Post:
Snowboarding! (A blog post from 2007 about learning to snowboard, going on a bungee ball and seeing Kevin Bloody Wilson)
Comment:
An impressive share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing a little analysis on this. And he in fact bought me breakfast because I found it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love reading more on this topic. If possible, as you become expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more details? It is highly helpful for me. Big thumb up for this blog post!
Thoughts:
No offence, “New Jersey refinancing”, but I think your boss needs to fire you both. But don’t worry, after that I’ll hire you, so long as you become as expertise as me.

Right, I’m off to do some drawing.

I like the way yuo just read this whole post, makes me rethink things! lol!

Pat

Well, I’m now into my final week of work.

At the time of writing I have 4 days in the office remaining (including today, as, well, technically my work hours haven’t started yet as I’m in early).

I think it would be a terrible shame to leave the company without doing something at least vaguely amusing.

Alas, I’m having not much luck with ideas. So far all I can think of is:

• Office chair racing
• Hiding a drawing of Squage somewhere no one’ll find for years
• Changing various team members’ ringtones to The Final Paycheck
• Burning the building down (they took my stapler)

Any ideas? Preferably something that won’t burn all bridges to a crisp… :-)

Toodles,

Pat

You might remember that in the previous departmental meeting I was at, I was making copious “notes”. Today, because it was my final ever departmental meeting, I decided to mark this occasion by making even more of them.

Well, maybe only two notes. With one spoken by the other.

Both of them musical.

OhAndALoadOfOtherDrawings:

What, then, did not happen was me drawing up the weird monster guy using my work PC over lunch. No. If that had’ve happened, mind you, it might’ve looked a little something like this:

FACT: “Paint.net + A Mouse” < "Adobe Illustrator + A Wacom Tablet Pen" Toodles, Pat

So, I’m moving to Brighton on Sunday the 18th. I was down there this weekend and had a chance to properly wander around the place. It… it’s a little bit more interesting than Chelmsford in Essex (WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? – Squage).

Whereas Chelmsford has the usual run of soulless chain shops and restaurants and a couple of shopping arcades, Brighton offers not only these amazing features but also a huge array of quirky locally owned shops, sweet shops, veggie restaurants, outdoor stalls.

(Ok, that’s not a surprise – Squage)

Chelmsford graffiti consist of hastily-scrawled spray paint featuring the call-sign of a local “yoof kru”, Brighton’s equivalent is two-storey tall complex works of art depicting manga characters, Star Wars scenes, life-like paintings of Aung San Suu Kyi and loads more.

(Cool, but not a surprise – Squage)

Ok, Brighton’s bars are a fair bit more expensive than Chelmsford’s, plus it’s full of stag and hen parties. But the former’s fine given I’ve a student union to go to and the latter’s fine as it rather adds to the fun atmosphere of the place (although I’ve not been wandering around at 2am on a Saturday yet). There’s a really cool feel to the place, just an underlying feeling that people like living there.

(Hang on, hang on, stop a second. So what you’re really saying is “Brighton’s a city, and it’s bohemian, and it’s a party town, and you like it”? – Squage)

Yes.

(I think everyone knew that. What are you bothering mentioning it? – Squage)

BECAUSE I WANT TO EXPRESS HOW FRICKIN’ AWESOME IT IS THAT I’LL BE LIVING THERE.

(So, basically, you want to rub it in people’s faces? – Squage)

Of course not. :-)

(You’re happy to make people think you’re a gloating tool? – Squage)

That don’t! :-)

(You are literally too stupid to insult – Squage)

Stop quoting from The Hangover.

(Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice – Squage)

Ok, that’s enough.

BYE!

Pat

• Saturday marked the “1 week til I dump some of my furniture in Brighton” milestone.
• Yesterday marked the “2 weeks til I move to Brighton” milestone.
• Today (the 5th of September) marks the “10 days to go working for My Beloved Employer ™” milestone, along with the “I’ve added a ‘My final working day is’ line to my company signature” moment.
• Tomorrow marks the “4 weeks til my phone line gets plugged in” milestone. Yes. 4 weeks.

Now, I know September is a busy time around a student town, I accept that.

But really?

Are there really so many long-empty houses and so few BT engineers that the earliest date a bod could turn up and spend 30 minutes kroning a couple of wires is the 27th of September?

Good grief.

Fortunately the broadband is available as soon as the physical connection’s madeOh-WAIT-A-MINUTE-No-I-Have-To-Wait-Another-5-To-7-Business-Days-For-A-Button-To-Be-Clicked-On-A-Screen.

(It’s good to see Pat’s illness on Friday hasn’t removed his ability to get ignorantly wound up about unimportant things – Squage)

DON’T INTERRUPT MY POINTLESS MOANY BLOG UPDATE, DAMNIT!

(It’s almost too easy, this… – Squage)

Frackin’ rackin’ brackin’,

Pat

Today is the final day of August. It’s my pay day. But it’s more than that. It’s my final pay day with a paycheck worth mentioning.

Have I made a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE over-long and out-of-tune piece of audio, to mark this occasion and in honour of the karaoke night I’m going to be ruining with my voice on Friday?

YOU BET YOUR SEXY FACE I HAVE.

Here are the lyrics (well, the original ones. This doesn’t include the ludicrous amount of off-script nonsense):

I leave in September
So soon it’s farewell
And don’t think I’ll come back
But then, who can tell?
A change in career is to come
I’m Uni bound
So here comes my last bit of earned money

It’s the final paycheck
The final paycheck

Ohh
I’m heading for Brighton to drink til I fall
‘Cause I’ll be a student and having a ball, yeah
With so many projects to do and beers to be found
(To be found)
I’ll miss having monthly new cash to blow…

It’s the final paycheck
The final paycheck…

Pat

It’s a virtue, they say.

And by “they” I mean most people I ask about patience (those who don’t are usually doctors who haven’t quite heard me correctly).

If that’s the case, then call me Alan Non-Virtuous. There’s nothing * worse than sitting around waiting for something you know’s gonna be awesome.

Alas, that’s what I’m doing at the moment. On the 26th of September I start Uni, doing a two year FdA in Digital Media Design, down in Brighton. It’s going to completely blow my mind and open a range of opportunities I can only begin to imagine.

However, I’m at work until the 16th of September. Having resigned on the 1st of July, I’ve already got the vast majority of my handover done and as there’s no one to replace me yet I’ve got no one to train up.

So I spend a lot of my time looking at my Outlook calendar, seeing the “Last day” appointment, looking at “DAYS TO GO.xls”, checking the current date, looking at my Outlook calendar, seeing the “Last day” appointment… and so on.

Anyone fancy a coffee? I wanna chat about the number of days I’ve got left.

Again.

Anyone?

…Hello?

/Pat

* Aside from fingernails scraping on a white board, forgetting to lock your car after walking across a car park from it in the rain, genocide, stepping on an upturned plug with bare feet etc.

P.S. Obviously I’m doing lots of work too. Just to be clear. The above is for comic effect, oh Beloved Employer™. Do not confuse silly posts with serious ones. Always read the label (and check the pills themselves). Your home is at risk if it’s made of bits of slugs and you’ve built it by a salt factory.

This afternoon I’ve been doing some serious preparing for my Uni days: idly sitting on my ass and watching terrible day time telly.

If nothing else, it’s reminding me just how terrible telly before 6pm is. I actually feel like going to do some ironing. Or even starting to pack things. It’s that bad.

Things’ve got at least mildly better now: Come Dine With Me. Today it features a self-confessed “typical hippy feminist vegetarian” lady and a massively sexist south african gentleman. It’s good to see Channel 4’s Ex-Big Brother casting person’s got a new job at least…

Pat

P.S. Oh, I’ve just realised: this is the last bank holiday Monday I’m going to be happy about for a long time. From now on they’ll just be Pain In The Ass, Shops Closing Early™ days. Who says my life choices don’t involve sacrifices?